The holiday season brings joy but also challenges when a loved one lives in a care facility. Whether this is your first holiday since placement or you're looking to improve on past years, thoughtful planning helps create meaningful celebrations that honor traditions while respecting new realities.

This guide offers practical tips for making holidays special for seniors in adult family homes, managing family dynamics, and taking care of yourself during an emotionally complex season.

Planning Holiday Visits

Coordinate with the Care Home

Start by communicating with the adult family home:

  • Ask about their holiday schedule and any planned activities
  • Discuss visiting hours—they may have extended or modified hours
  • Inquire about bringing your loved one to family gatherings
  • Ask about dietary accommodations for holiday treats
  • Coordinate with other families if multiple residents have visitors

Consider Timing

Peak holiday days can be overwhelming for seniors, especially those with dementia:

  • Consider celebrating on a different day when things are calmer
  • Visit during optimal times of day (often late morning)
  • Keep visits shorter if fatigue or overstimulation is a concern
  • Plan for quiet time between activities

Should They Come to Family Gatherings?

Evaluate whether outings are appropriate based on:

  • Physical ability: Can they handle transportation and the environment?
  • Cognitive status: Will unfamiliar settings cause confusion or distress?
  • Medical needs: Can care needs be met away from the facility?
  • Logistics: Is transportation available? Who will assist them?

Sometimes bringing the celebration to them is better than taking them out.

Meaningful Gift Ideas

Best Gifts for Seniors in Care

  • Comfort items: Soft blankets, cozy socks, comfortable clothing
  • Sensory items: Scented lotions, soft stuffed animals, textured items
  • Photo gifts: Photo books, digital frames loaded with family pictures
  • Music: CDs or devices loaded with favorite songs from their era
  • Your time: Gift certificates for future visits or activities
  • Treats: Favorite snacks or sweets (cleared with facility first)

Gifts to Avoid

  • Items that require complex operation
  • Anything that creates clutter in limited space
  • Plants requiring care (unless the facility will help)
  • Valuables that could be lost or cause worry
  • Items with small parts (choking hazard)

Maintaining Traditions

Adapting Family Traditions

Traditions matter, but they may need modification:

  • Cooking together: Bring ingredients for simple holiday treats to make at the facility
  • Decorating: Help decorate their room; bring a small tree or familiar ornaments
  • Religious observances: Arrange for chaplain visits or bring religious items
  • Music: Play traditional holiday music together
  • Stories: Share memories and look at old photos

Creating New Traditions

Some families find that new traditions work better than forcing old ones:

  • Regular holiday movie viewings at the facility
  • Cookie decorating with grandchildren
  • Reading holiday stories together
  • Creating simple crafts
  • Caroling for other residents

Holidays and Dementia

Special Considerations

Holidays can be confusing and stressful for those with dementia. The Alzheimer's Association recommends:

  • Keep gatherings small and familiar
  • Reduce noise and stimulation
  • Maintain normal routines as much as possible
  • Have a quiet space available for breaks
  • Don't quiz them about who people are
  • Focus on emotional connection, not memory

Managing Expectations

Accept that the person may:

  • Not remember the visit afterward
  • Not recognize all family members
  • Become tired or agitated
  • Not react as expected to gifts or celebrations

The moment matters even if they don't remember it. Emotional memory often persists even when factual memory fades.

Emotional Self-Care

Acknowledge the Grief

Holidays often intensify grief about changes in your loved one. It's normal to feel:

  • Sadness about how things have changed
  • Guilt about placement decisions
  • Anger about the situation
  • Nostalgia for holidays past
  • Anxiety about visits and family dynamics

These feelings don't mean you've done anything wrong—they reflect love and loss coexisting.

Taking Care of Yourself

  • Don't overcommit to visits and activities
  • Share caregiving responsibilities with family
  • Give yourself permission to enjoy the holidays
  • Connect with support groups for validation
  • Consider therapy if grief feels overwhelming

Including Other Residents

Many adult family home residents have limited family contact. Consider:

  • Bringing small gifts for all residents
  • Including other residents in activities during visits
  • Contributing to facility-wide celebrations
  • Donating to holiday programs for seniors without family

Frequently Asked Questions

What if my loved one doesn't want to celebrate?

Respect their feelings. Some seniors experience holiday depression or simply don't have energy for celebration. Keep visits calm and focused on connection rather than festivity. Don't force participation in activities they resist. Sometimes just sitting together quietly is meaningful.

How do I handle family members who haven't visited all year showing up at holidays?

This is common and can be frustrating. Try to focus on your loved one's benefit from seeing family, even if others haven't been as involved. Coordinate visits to avoid overwhelming the resident with too many people at once. Save family disagreements for private conversations away from the care setting.

Should I take my parent with dementia to a large family gathering?

Carefully consider whether they'll enjoy it or find it confusing and stressful. Large gatherings with noise, unfamiliar faces, and disrupted routines often aren't good for people with moderate to advanced dementia. A small, calm celebration at the facility with just a few family members may be better received.

What if I can't visit during the holidays?

If distance or circumstances prevent visiting, you can still connect: video calls, phone calls, sending cards and photos, arranging for local friends or volunteers to visit, sending a care package of favorite items. Talk to the facility about their holiday activities so you know your loved one won't be alone.

How do I manage guilt about enjoying the holidays while my parent is in care?

This guilt is nearly universal among caregivers. Remember: your loved one being in care doesn't mean you must be unhappy. Taking care of yourself and maintaining your own life enables you to be a better family member. Your loved one likely wants you to be happy. Professional care was a responsible choice, not abandonment.